Lean into It!

Soundtrack Selection: Just Fine by Mary J. Blige

So my roommate Lauren coined the phrase, "lean into it." She uses it in situations where she feels awkward or unsure of herself. Perhaps you're at a party and your ex-boyfriend shows up or you're giving a presentation at work and forget your train of thought. You're in a situation that's less than perfect, you can't change the circumstances now, so you've got to deal with the situation at hand. Lauren's advice would be just "lean into it."

That's the attitude I've taken with being single in my 30s. I guess it's important to know this is something I hadn't planned, so let's just get it out there. I was married. He took liberties with the seventh commandment, decided to end the marriage and there I am, 3.5 months from my 30th birthday, single...again. I won't bore you with the gory details (unfortunately, it would probably make a pretty good Lifetime movie, but I digress), the point is it wasn't how I dreamed my life would turn out, but it was the hand of cards I was dealt. I didn't have control over the circumstances of my life, but I did control my reaction, which was to just "lean into it."

I had never really dated before I was married. Well yeah, I had boyfriends in college but hanging out in D-Hall and at parties with red plastic cups isn't real dating. I went on a couple of dates here and there when I got out into the "real world," but it wasn't enough to actually say I had "experience" dating as a bonafide adult. When I realized I was officially single, I dreaded the prospect of dating.

My first date in the single world was less than perfect. I was late, rushing to the bar to meet this guy (who I had met at another bar a few days earlier) and stubbed my toe on the sidewalk. There I am standing in the middle of downtown DC with a bloody big toe and nothing to stop it but the Chipotle napkin in my purse.  I texted my date with one hand (because my other hand was on the damn bloody toe) and said I would be late. I stand there and am like, "Shit, what do I do now. I can't show up with my toe wrapped in a bloody Chipotle napkin." Then, like an oasis in the desert, a CVS appeared. To make a long story short, I bandaged up my toe, made it to the bar and immediately ordered a margarita. I survived a potentially disastrous first date because I chose to "lean into it."

Dating is messy (sometimes even literally as in my case), just like anything else in life that involves human interaction. It's full of weird circumstances and awkward moments. There's no one right way to do it. Oh yes, people will give you all kinds of advice...my friend whose-it says, Oprah says, the guy who wrote He's Just Not That Into You says, the Church says. It doesn't matter. You're 30, you've gotta start trusting yourself at some point. So listen to your gut, take a step forward and just, yep you've got it..."lean into it."