You're 30: Take It Down A Notch!

Soundtrack Selection: Long Way Around by the Dixie Chicks

Ok, let's get serious! As you move into your 30s, you've gotta start taking care of yourself. Gone are the days you can stay up 'til 2 AM and wake up at 7:30 with the guarantee that you'll make it productively through the work day! No longer can you pay no mind to what you put into your body and be sure it won't f-up your digestive system for the next 72 hours. At this point, you've been on this earth for three full decades and your body's starting to feel it! Here are a few key tips to keep you healthy and happy in the fabulous fourth decade of your life!


1. Good shoes are no longer a luxury.

Now this point is relative. Yes I hate to tell you, but Prada and Jimmy Choo's are still considered an extravagance. However, you may have noticed that your joints don't respond the same to those craptastic heels you bought for $12.99 at Payless. Now's the time to take that mediocre paycheck of yours and move upwards in the shoe department. I work with older folks, and trust me, knee and hip replacements are a dime a dozen. Do yourself a favor and pay attention to: arches, shock absorbency and lower back support! This will help assure your health insurance co-pays are cheaper in your 60's.

2. Get your drink on...but moderately.

I bet by now you've notice your recovery time after a "productive" night on the town is perhaps double or triple what it used to be. I know, I like a good Irish Car Bomb like the rest of 'em, but your poor liver is starting to feel the effects of those keg stands and endless rounds of beer pong in college. Slow it down. Remember that most of the people in those bars you still frequent are, on average, 5-6 years your junior. Limit the shots to birthdays, special celebrations or a coping mechanism after receiving your student loan statements. The key word is "sip." Start enjoying the taste of your liquor as opposed to the mindlessness and inhibition-dulling "benefits."


3. Face your 30s!

In 1986 I got sun poisoning when my parents sent me off to the beach with some hippies living down the street. As a result, I have the pleasure of hiding a dark spot on my cheek with concealer every morning.  This shit's only going to get worse! If you're not wearing sunscreen everyday, you might as well soak your face in turpentine and get it over with. Also, you're gonna start noticing dark circles and lines around the eyes. Don't freak out! Put the gun down and pick up some eye cream! Also, the glow of your 20s that could repeatedly survive dinners of beer and onion rings is gone. You are what you eat, so act accordingly. 

4.  Calm down, you can still get preggers!


I know, you're starting to freak out! D-day, otherwise know as your 35 birthday, is just around the corner or maybe has passed. Everyone (see definition from first blog post) leads you to believe that any child you conceive at this point will have 4 arms and no brain stem. Listen, I'll just put it out there, I'm not having a kid by 35, and I'm over worrying about it! What's the alternative? Ya gonna go out to the local bar and get knocked up by a 23-year old with too much gel in his hair. It will happen, don't stress! And if it doesn't, there's always sperm banks and foreign baby adoption.

Although there's much more to discuss, this is enough to chew on for now. Remember, you're still a lot younger than you think! Live it up...just bring it down a notch!