A Marriage of Realistic and Fair Expectations

 One Day Closer To You by Carolyn Dawn Johnson (totally cheesy, but true)

I love marriage! The whole idea of sharing your life with someone is really a lot of fun (sharing a bathroom, not so fun, but sharing a life, yes, fantastic)! It's great to have someone to come home to each night, to share the wonderful and horrible moments of your day, to snuggle with while watching TV and to laugh (and cry) with when your two year old throws up on herself three times in one night!  Marriage is a great thing!

But let me tell you what marriage is not...total bliss. You may be thinking, "Oh Katie, you're just jaded. Marriage is my heart's desire. Marriage, when done right, is perpetually romantic and fulfilling." Uh yeah, I do know and so do about 95 percent of my married girlfriends (the other 5% either a) have been married for 5 minutes b) are still high from the wedding day french manicure nail polish fumes or c) are totally deluded). I and they will be the first to tell you that it is in no way, shape or form complete and utter romance.

Don't get me wrong, marriage should be romantic, but romance is an element not the definition. The reality is marriage is life and life, although it can be totally fantastic, exciting and fulfilling, is also difficult, frustrating and full of all kinds of challenges.  I know, I know it's hard to believe isn't it? A two minute perusal of Facebook with the cute, little pictures of "total bliss" on our friends' profiles will leave you thinking, "Well, if I only had that?" 

Your best, and most honest, friends will tell you that despite their undying devotion to their spouses (the same devotion that comes very close to cardiac arrest the 84th time he invites his parents for the weekend without asking her), marriage is like singledom...it's just another stage of life. Married chicks still doubt themselves, think they're fat, feel alone, aren't sure of the future and yes, they argue, fight and even sometimes call their husbands bad words (gasp)!

The great thing about being a little older, wiser and single is you've got rationale on your side. When you get into your late 20's and beyond, you start using your head a lot more than your heart in processing your relationship compatibility. I think this is a good thing given a comparison of the average marital age and the rate of divorce. The whole head-over-heels thing works about 50% of the time (If you don't believe me, ask me to tell you the story about the dumb-ass, romance-obsessed cheating husband and the self-indulgent lesbian).

To all the married people out there: If you're in a state of total romantic bliss, keep up the good work! Lavish in it. For those who are on a down swing, hang in there. Remember that complete idiot who takes 45 minutes to make toast, will once again bring you flowers and give you a night of undying passion.

To the hopeful singles: Today, you're one day closer to finding realistic bliss. Love will likely turn out to be something very different than what you have in mind. Hell, you may even end up marrying a person you never imagined yourself falling in love with. And that to me is super romantic!