Bear/Bare Your Baggage!

Soundtrack Selection: Baggage by Mary J. Blige

I was taking the train back from Charlottesville after spending a jam-packed Christmas weekend with my family. I boarded the train as I usually do, hoisted my reasonably-sized piece of luggage onto the rack by myself, as I usually do, and grabbed my seat by the window. I then proceeded to watch countless women wheel these giant suitcases (many times with multiple over-sized bag...not to mention the giant purses that should count as luggage) down the narrow aisle, bumping into innocent bystanders and acting as if what they were doing was perfectly reasonable.

In response, I wanted to say, "Uh go ahead and pretend like no one notices your excessive use of space, but honey, if you are going to bring that ridiculous bag onto an overbooked train at eight in the morning after a major holiday, then you better be prepared to handle it yourself." (Yes, I am a bitch but it was morning and I don't do mornings even under the best of circumstances).

I started to think about a conversation I had back in college about another kind of baggage with a really annoying guy I was sweet on at the time. We talked about past relationships (all two of them I had at that point), and at the end of my overly-dramatic soliloquy, I remember him saying in a piercing, accusatory tone, "You've got relationship baggage."

Hahaha! It's so funny to think about that now because at 19 years old, most of us have no idea what "baggage" really means...and trust me, I was one of those girls. I had about as much "relationship baggage" as my four-month old niece has an understanding of the philosophical underpinnings of Jean Paul Sartre. Now if that dude and I had that conversation today (which we wouldn't because today I would have realized how incredibly lame he was and wouldn't have given him the time of day...much less, an emotionally-laden phone call), I'd let him have that one. He would be right.

Yes, I have baggage. We all do. I don't care if you've had sex with one man and been married to him for 14 years. By the time you hit your 30s, you've got to acknowledge your baggage. Perhaps it was betrayal or the bittersweet taste of "shoulda, coulda, woulda" or maybe it's the baggage of having never been in a serious romantic relationship (no that kid you danced with in middle school to "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" doesn't count). Whatever it is I promise (man or woman), you've got it. So you can stand around and pretend, as those annoying girls on the train, like it's not there, like you're some innocent vestal virgin just waiting for your prince to carry you away to never-never land or...you can own it!

Bear/bare the baggage! You're imperfect and you're going to carry those imperfections into every relationship you have from now until you're a fat, old lady. If you deny it, it's only going to make those relationships harder. Own it!...the good, the bad and the ugly!

And if we all agree to do this, perhaps we can work on parring it down into a reasonably-sized carry on and make our lives and those around us a whole easier (with a lot more elbow room).