Let's Settle Up

Settlin' by Sugarland

In the last entry, I talked a lot about being realistic with your expectations. However, I want to be completely clear that realistic expectations do not translate to compromising on the essentials. Let me explain...

You may be getting to that point in your life when you just don't feel it's ever going to happen. Just like our good friend Charlotte York, you're probably thinking, "I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" You're convinced that your standards are too high, you're too picky and if you're ever going to "settle down" you may need to start compromising on some things. Well I'd like to change the terms of this game, my friend. "Settling down" is for the birds. It's high time you start changing the beat of your drummer, aim high and begin to "settle up."

Now don't get me wrong, I fully realize the value of having a "Mr. Right Now." Been there, done that and it was helpful, for what it's worth. It has its place. But the problem arises when we start to convince ourselves that "Mr. Right Now" is "Mr. Right," or more accurately "Mr. Good Enough."

 So how do we change course? Well for starters: get over your fear of becoming the lonely old lady with ten cats. Based on my own humble experience, I've realized that the best cure for settling on a mediocre partner begins with overcoming the fear of being alone. And what is the best cure for overcoming fears? Expose yourself to them. Stop depending on your overwhelming desire to be validated by others, particularly those of the opposite sex (or whomever you're attracted to). 

Date yourself for a while. Spend a Saturday night finishing a bottle of wine and organizing your sock drawer; go to your favorite hole-in-the-wall and drink a beer alone at the bar; start a blog entitled "Drinking Alone" and spend way too much time drafting your entries by yourself in your room. Just get over that fact that being alone means you're a loser! It's quite the contrary, sweetheart.

Once you start to tackle this fear, you will sit on that date with that mediocre douche rocket and think, "God, I could be home right now with my own bottle of Makers, a steak grilled to my perfection listening to Muddy Water shred the strings off that Delta Bottleneck and I wouldn't have to sit here and listen to why X Box 360 is so much better than Play Station 3 (yes, I just had to google that)."

Calm yourself, and yes in this case, "settle down." Spend some time with yourself and enjoy it...relish in it! I'm pretty sure it will help you from settling for anything less than everything (a very down-to-earth, realistic and reasonable everything)!